Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

News In Photos

NEW YORK—A number of players suggested to reporters Monday that, with accolades such as the AL Platinum Baseman Award and the Best Lead Off of the Year Trophy, the Baseball Writers' Association of America was almost certainly making up its year-end honors on the spot.

WASHINGTON—"What those poor people have had to suffer through is a terrible, shameful travesty," said Rolling Stone's David Fricke. "Can you imagine being forced to listen to Deicide and Drowning Pool all day long?"

STATE COLLEGE, PA—Kyle Norton stated that he would also forgo a winter coat and continue to don the same coffee-stained sweatshirt he has been wearing since mid-October.